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- Fawning : why the need to please makes us lose ourselves--and how to find our way back / by Clayton, Ingrid,1974-author.;
Includes bibliographical references (pages 275-277) and index."From a clinical psychologist and expert in complex trauma recovery comes a powerful guide introducing fawning, an often-overlooked piece of the fight-flight-freeze reaction to trauma-explaining what it is, why it happens, and how to help survivors regain their voice and sense of self. Most of us are familiar with the three F's of trauma--fight, flight, or freeze. But psychologists have identified a fourth, extremely common (yet little-understood) response: fawning. Often conflated with "codependency" or "people-pleasing," fawning occurs when we inexplicably draw closer to a person or relationship that causes pain, rather than pulling away. Do you apologize to people who have hurt you? Ignore their bad behavior? Befriend your bullies? Obsess about saying the right thing? Make yourself into someone you're not . . . while seeking approval that may never come? You might be a fawner. Fawning explains why we stay in bad jobs, fall into unhealthy partnerships, and tolerate dysfunctional environments, even when it seems so obvious to others that we should go. And though fawning serves a purpose--it's an ingenious protective strategy in unsafe situations--it's a problem if it becomes a repetitive, compulsory reaction in our daily lives. But here's the good news: we can break the pattern of chronic fawning, once we see it for the trauma response it is. Drawing on twenty years of clinical psychology work-as well as a lifetime of experience as a recovering fawner herself-Dr. Ingrid Clayton demonstrates WHY we fawn, HOW to recognize the signs of fawning (including taking blame, conflict avoidance, hypervigilance, and caretaking at the expense of ourselves), and WHAT we can do to successfully "unfawn" and finally be ourselves, in all our imperfect perfection"-- Provided by publisher.- Subjects: Toadyism.; Submissiveness.; Interpersonal relations; Psychic trauma; Stress (Psychology); Defense mechanisms (Psychology);
- Available copies: 8 / Total copies: 17
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- Are you mad at me? : how to stop focusing on what others think and start living for you / by Josephson, Meg,author.;
Includes bibliographical references (pages 292-294).Introduction -- The other F-word -- Now & then -- Permission to heal -- You are not your thoughts -- Emotions aren't the problem -- This is exhausting -- Nothing is personal -- Conflict is like death (it's inevitable) -- Rebranding boundaries -- Who are you? (yes, you) -- Healing is an act of service -- Notes."Psychotherapist Meg Josephson is here to show you that people-pleasing is not a personality trait. It's a common survival mechanism known as 'fawning': an instinct often learned in childhood to become more appealing to a perceived threat in order to feel safe. Yet many people are stuck in this way of being for their whole lives. Are You Mad at Me? weaves Josephson's own moving story with that of fascinating client stories and thought-provoking exercises to show you how to: Identify all the roles you might play--from peacekeeper to performer to caretaker to lone wolf to perfectionist to chameleon--that keep you far from yourself; Stop fearing your thoughts and emotions, even if they're unpleasant; Rethink conflict and boundaries as an opening for deeper connection; Practice 'leaning back' in relationships; Recognize when people-pleasing is actually necessary (with your chaotic boss) and when it's not (with your close friends) and stop self-loathing when you slip into old patterns; Shift away from the familiar chaos, anxiety, and resentment you're used to as you move closer to yourself and a life that no longer depletes you--but brings you joy. With Josephson's 'lucid prose and smart mix of clinical expertise, personal disclosure, and pertinent case studies' (Publishers Weekly), Are You Mad at Me? will help you shed the behaviors that are keeping you stuck in the past so that you can live in your most authentic present"--- Subjects: Self-help publications.; Self-perception.; Anxiety.; Defense mechanisms (Psychology); Interpersonal relations.; Social role.; Submissiveness.; Toadyism.;
- Available copies: 14 / Total copies: 38
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- Are you mad at me? [sound recording] : how to stop focusing on what others think and start living for you / by Josephson, Meg,author,narrator.;
Read by the author.From psychotherapist and social media star Meg Josephson, a groundbreaking exploration of people-pleasing as an under-recognized but common trauma response, that also offers a compassionate and actionable path for healing. It's time to stop surviving and start thriving. Meg Josephson, MSW, will tell how. Josephson explodes the idea that people-pleasing is a personality trait. Instead, she illuminates how it's actually a common trauma response (also known as 'fawning'): an instinct often learned in childhood to become more appealing to a perceived threat in order to feel safe. Yet many people are stuck in this way of being for their whole lives. Meg weaves her own moving story, fascinating patient case studies, and thought-provoking exercises.- Subjects: Self-help publications.; Audiobooks.; Self-actualization (Psychology); Interpersonal relations; Self-perception.; Anxiety.; Defense mechanisms (Psychology); Interpersonal relations.; Social role.; Submissiveness.; Toadyism.;
- Available copies: 1 / Total copies: 1
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Results 1 to 3 of 3